well, its only somewhere past midnight thirty, but i am so tired. i went to Russ' tonight, like i do every Tuesday night, for a Cherry Coke with extra grenadine and those little red artificial-like cherries on the bottom and some socialization. sang some old songs, talked about some old times, and secretly wished that they werent "old". yeah, i know i say that i had less "freedom" when i was in highschool, but, honestly, that is all bullocks, because i am not all that rebellious anyway, even now when i can be. so what is this big great "wonderful life" that i had always waited to encounter in college? well, as far as i see it, its long walks to class, chronic insomnia, impersonal classes, tiny little rooms with one window (that, by the way, you arent allowed to open), and being so close yet so far to everything i love. i guess i cant really complain because i do enjoy the broad pool of resources, but there is so much more to life than education (sorry, but its true, the rungs of the ladder only GET you to the top). i guess i am just homesick for the past, when things were just a bit brighter, more innocent, sweeter and by that i mean less bitter. i miss that sweet rhythm that rocked the days of my senior year into a comfort- even when things were unbalanced, it always caught back its time. the snow fell softer then and the wind wasnt so biting; little things were little cheers and everyday held many of them. but no use for lamenting the dead and gone (although i never gave it a proper funeral). sometimes i just accidently remember the joys i forgot- especially when they pop up in conversation with the people i once shared them with.