who is this ghost standing in my corner. who is this phantom at the side of my bed as i dream. what is this demon that holds me to a useless pain? what is this rope that binds me to an anchorsinkingfast to the bottom of a dark and lonely ocean? why cant i let go of razorwire... why did i get so tangle in it without realizing the danger... or was it not always this way?

i find it almost impossible to remeber things as anything different than what they have been for this past length of time. theres a monster of "i wonder what would have happened if..." gnawing bare my soul.

why cant i just forget those scars and keep walking down the road... because i would rather limp and walk it off that lean on a crutch.