.....

2002-10-29......1:31 a.m.......
why i am sick in the brain

this is a horrible thing i am about to confess, you might not want to read further:

ok, well, i suppose you ignored my warning, and plan to read this through. alright, here it is. i have music in my head and i cant shut it off. people ask me what i am thinking about (i suppose this condition often causes me to wear a blank stare and look really 'emo and shit') and i reply some benign answer like, "oh, the nice way the cold freezes the juice in my eyes" or something pretty dumb. when, in all reality, i am making sure my step doesnt falter because it's the basis for the symphony my head is composing, and my mind is listening to.

schizophrenia is hearing voices, but, in a world meeting yesterday morning (so i was told) the medical association dubbed my condition with the term akouseinphrenia "to hear (relating to) the mind". akousein coming from the greek verb akouo "to hear" and the word for things having to do with the mind "phrenos". this disorder causes the sufferer's logical/linear thoughts to be pushed aside to make room for melismatic symphonies--wilding around in the head to the point of causing ocassional obsession.

now, the only way to treat this ailment is to cut off your head and throw it away, but sadly, this is not possible in this day in age. so, the poor poor person who must endure music all day has no way out. oh how wretched a life to be condemned to, to have to hear complex symphonies and HERE is the kick-- not to be able to create them. having all of the music well up at the fingertips and stop short for lack of instrument or talent. this is my illness, to which there is no nepethe, but always a continuos rhythm and a thousand accompaniments to follow it, even if the beat is just my pants swishing together as i walk to class.

~~kristin.michelle.dennis

...and all sing in harmony, i am ok...

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