if i am porcelain, then why am i not in pieces? if i am fragile, why do i bounce? if my voice is so shaky, why do people listen when i speak? it seems that i am hardier than i think. it looks like i am stronger than i feel. maybe i am tougher than you expect.

i can sit here smiling for no reason, jamming to my 8track 'soultrain hall of fame' and smile for no reason. smile just because i had some good soup for lunch or because it's not raining or because i still havent washed my hair though i keep swearing i will wake up early 'tommorow' and do it. the cotton of my shirt feels cool on my skin and my feet are comfortable in my old kiddie shoes. my phone has minutes galore! i dont have class for an hour. all my internal organs are in the correct place, and i assume that they are doing things correctly too. our show went great, people still tell me so, even though it was a whole improbable 5 days ago (in this towne, for shows, that is eons). our carpet is speckled berber! for this bit of time, i am happy and consolidated into only a few pieces. who knows about later or earlier or tommorow or yesterday... not me. but i do know this, i am in love with the world and with God and with every person for this one minute, 12:37pm February 18, 2003. it's all so beautiful. no sap intended.

oh yes, and happy one year to kristinhank. i have been sorting myself out to the general public for an entire year... whether the better or the worse for it... i guess, it's really up to you to decide. thanks.