i did it. i looked you in the eye. i felt your breath on the back of my neck, your hands on my shoulders. the smell of your hair, like plastic, like the hair on a doll, but softer. your lips looked the same; the shape of your chin curved expectedly. your smile still waited at the corners of your eyes. i could see you with my eyes closed.

it was a night we had already lived. a million years ago we acted out these motions, or maybe we were only slightly younger than we call ourselves now. there were no windows. your old lamp was burning at 40 watts. hearts burst. our rythm beat familiarly- the sound of drums echoing off cave walls or the thud of base from your stereo.

isn't it funny how life turns around and tells you so? how you finally realize what you should have said that one time when it really mattered? how skin feels warmer in dreams than in memory and icy cold compared to those moments of real contact. it's been a long time. the sun sets over the city and heatwaves subside.